05/27/2025
Song of the day: "The Summer King" by The Forgetmenaunts
 or perhaps "Farewell Wanderlust" by The Amazing Devil

We've returned from travelling this morning. Made it back late last night technically, but we slept at my parents. Neither of us were up to more driving after being in the car for about 13 hours. My butt was so numb. 

Overall, it was a good trip. I'm always so anxious when we visit that side of the family. My fella has officially met every close immediate family member. This is honestly a huge feat and I feel lighter now. Everyone who has met him has loved him, not that if they didn't it would matter much. I've always had a distance from them, not only due to my gender/sexuality being deemed as other, but their all so cold. I felt cast out for having emotion before anything else came to light. 

Honestly the best part of the trip was visiting with my great grandparents yesterday before we left town. Grandpa O'dell has been in rehab since his last fall at home. He was tired but still weirdly lively and lucid for a 96 year old. Lover boy and grandpa had a cute chat about horses and cows. Grandpa has been taking care of the family farm since he was a teenager. He sold the cows and retired before my birth but his joy for it has never left.

If I had been born under the family name I would have inherited the centennial farm. Unfortunately my grandmother took a new name with marriage and great uncle brent had no children of his own to pass the name to. When their all gone, the name will have officially died out. Over one hundred years of the O'dell's living in the same area, and they'll be gone before I turn thirty. Grief for a name I never had is foggy and odd. 

Once we finished visiting grandpa O, we headed to grandma O with some lunch. I missed her so much. She has been one of the few on mom's side to always been sweet and kind. she saw my tattoo for the first time and shocked me by complimenting it. She was so happy to have lunch with us, she was gossiping about the nurses who come stay with her at night. One she doesn't like because she "talks too much about getting a divorce". We then grabbed all the photo albums she has kept through the years and lover boy discovered one from 1914. That was insane, apparently it was grandma's great aunts. It had photos dating back to the 1870s. 

I also discovered on this trip, grandma O's life has been very tragic. Her mother died in childbirth when she was 11 with her youngest sister Peggy. She had about 7 other siblings. Her father remarried that year, to her mothers younger cousin. Peggy then died around 3 years old because her father accidently hit her with his car coming home from work. Grandma met grandpa when they were teenagers. They got married around 18, and grandpa's mother was awful to grandma. Told them that it would never last and harassed her often. They had their first son soon after they got married and the baby died a few hours after being born. they named him Timmy. It's why they never moved out of the area, because they both weren't willing to leave his grave or the family farm behind. She's outlived all her friends and family. She had entire pages dedicated to friends that she lost decades ago. Her stories brought us to tears. 

She has lived a long life and has stayed kind through it all.  I'm so thankful I've been able to know her. Its a gift to have a relative live so long and stay so aware into old age. She told me and lover boy to just get married, that waiting for the right moment when we have enough money will never truly come. she said that loving each other was enough. We both teared up again. Before we left, she said she wanted to dance at our wedding or at least eat a lot of sandwiches. I love her so much, goddammit I will find a way for her to make it to our wedding. Or maybe we'll have a mini one up north just for her and grandpa. 

05/20/25
Song of the day: "Mama" by Amelia Day

So far, nothing too crazy going on. Took a nap with lover boy for like two hours on accident, oops! Never doubt our ability to be sleepy lil guys.

After the big nap, lover boy took our lady to the park and I took a short walk. No note from pinball leader yet but I did see a very cute baby bunny so that was amazing! Will check back in a little bit, I knew pinball leader was doing some stuffs.

Came home and made a very tasty cabbage and carrot soup from scratch! My journey on learning to cook has been getting more fun and easier! Its nice to use up some perishable stuffs to before we dip out of town for the weekend. Lover boy added some noodles to his soup and is now taking a moment to himself. The kitties are extra playful today, I shall dub them Big C and Lil C. Thank you lover boy for the idea, I LOVE HIM HE IS SO SMART AND NICE!!!!

Called sis too, discussed me being an extrovert and then debated the existence of the idea of Extroverts/Introverts. My brain has been opened. Also, sis made some great points about me connecting the idea of being an introvert to me being overstimulated by specific situations. Thank you Sis for the incite! 

My fella and i are planning dinner with his bestie tonight, very excited to cook again. Now I just have to do the dishes before then...